I decided that I needed to fuel myself, so I put on my hoody, slipped on my shoes and headed out the door to walk down to the corner gas station and grab myself a Mountain Dew, and a Hershey’s Milk Chocolate with Almonds. Rounding the corner out of my apartment complex I happened to see that if I kept going at the speed I was currently at, I’d run right into two 12 year olds coming home from school (I’m assuming). And that’s just awkward. You know what I mean…when you’re suddenly on a sidewalk walking directly behind someone? You suddenly feel somewhat like a stalker, so you slow up your pace a bit, so you can fall behind them enough that it’s not as weird?
Anyway.
I slowed my pace before I got to the sidewalk, so that they could go past, therefore completely negating any possibility of uneasiness.
No. Not these 12 year olds. The girl sees me, stops, and asks, “Excuse me, do you have a cigarette I could bum from you?”
….
This is bothersome for two reasons to me; First, and possibly most obvious: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED A CIGARETTE FOR?! You’re fucking TWELVE! On top of that, and possibly more personally disturbing, I did not have a cigarette, nor do I smoke. So what made this little 12 year old, pimple faced girl decide that I was the best candidate to ask for a cigarette? Perhaps it was the fact that I’m wearing a black Hurley hoody, and a pair of gigantic gray sweat pants, (See picture below for reference) but still.
Do I look like the type that’s going to have a pack of Newports on me while listening to Eminem in my big ass headphones – not to mention the type that would give a couple of babies said Newports?
No. I don’t.
This is how the rest of the conversation continued.
Me: No, I don’t.
Girl: Oh, alright.
Me: How old are you?
Girl: 12
Me: I’m going to have to arrest you for attempting to obtain tobacco products underage.
Girl: *turns white as a sheet*
Me: Ha, I’m just kidding. But seriously…smoking is bad for you.
I’m pretty sure I scared the piss out of her, and the funniest part to me was her little boyfriend just stood there, jaw gaped open the entire time, never saying one word. I laughed myself silly all the way to the gas station.
Ah what our country is coming to. This is why Nicole Antoinette and I are planning on ruling the world.
We will make it a better place. For you and for me.
Thanks Michael Jackson.
You should make a better world where little twelve year olds do not try to bum cigarettes because that is just disturbing.. what have we all come to on this planet? I probably would have told her the same thing you did.. niot going to lie. Lmao.
- Brandi the tumbleweed…..wait wtf? LOL
She probably asked you because you're older and look "cool" and "cool" people smoke. I'm glad you scared her; hopefully she'll realize what a hideous health risk smoking is.
1. Haircut
2. That is a comfortable hoodie. I miss it.
3. It's weird to see a picture from your phone where you are wearing clothes.
4. I don't think I even knew what cigarettes were when I was 12.
Yes. Haircut. Need check first. Should come tomorrow. Better come tomorrow. I'll murder someone if it doesn't come tomorrow. And you shut your mouth about the clothed pictures. Talk about airing out personal facts…gosh….
Hahahah. This is fantastic! Scare 12-year-old girls like it's your job! Because if it isn't.. it should be!
You probably could have made her cry if you kept going. So, not only does she have the possibility of dying a horrid and painful death from picking up cigarettes at such a young age but she now has the memory of a skinny guy in a black hoodie threatening to turn her in to the cops…The combination of which is enough to bring a girl to tears. You probably would have enjoyed that…
LOL @ skinnyguyinablackhoodie. That would scar a child for life. Never again will she be able to enter Zumiez without horrid thoughts.